Loss, Motivation and More Progress

Well, it looks like 2017 isn’t going to let me off lightly either.

On the 11th February (which, poetically, would have been my late Grandpa’s birthday) my Grandma Kathleen passed away. I’ve spoken about her on this blog before, when I discussed my mental demons. Kath certainly had her own – prone to bouts of depression and a crippling susceptibility to Seasonal Affective Disorder that I have inherited from her; she has spent the last few years slowly losing herself to the slow, implacable quicksand of senile dementia. By the time she finally passed she had all but forgotten me. I certainly won’t forget her. I lived with my grandparents for a time. Kath would fuss over me, make me my dinner, and without fail videotape the new episodes of Angel for me every week from Sky TV. I have many fond, loving memories of my grandparents that I will keep forever. Grandma was the last of them. Rest in peace.

grandmagarden

My brother and I in our grandparents’ beautiful garden. How I miss it, and them.

But time marches on, as they say. My mood has been an emotional rollercoaster this month; swinging from a near nervous breakdown at work to absolute elation and good times with some old friends. Its getting pretty extreme and I’m wondering if I should go back on medication – but, crucially, I think I’m starting to level out again. I’ve made massive progress with the gym, I’m eating healthily and vegetarian 90% of the time, and I managed to hook up with Laurence and record the vocals for See Through Skin. One more song to record and I can finally think about putting this godforsaken EP out into the world and move on to the proper album. I’ve started socialising more and having important, meaningful conversations with friends again. Its such an important thing and can be severely underestimated.

I’m fully motivated again, and spring is just around the corner. I look forward to whatever it brings.

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